Sunday


She walks the pattern in her mind
Moving forward, just drawing a blank
But after the first turn to the left
She begins to remember
Remember and let go - that is the plan
Remember then move forward

Remember when he finally told her the truth
After all those years
Of struggling and hoping to keep it together
All for naught
All just to hit the proverbial brick wall
Doing 90 to nothing
She wants so badly to leave this behind
Let go and move forward - that is the plan
It’s as hard as breaking an evil habit
Maybe next year...

She moves at a steady pace
Hoping the rest of the pattern will bring less pain
She takes a hairpin curve to the left and begins to remember

Remember when he asked to kiss her in the middle of the night
In the middle of a parking lot
She said no (the school girl she once was back inside her)
And he did not insist
She didn’t mean to fall in love
She knows that leads to pain and suffering
But she did it anyway

The pattern twists and turns
As do her memories

A step right - the death of her precious companion
A cut left - witnessing the fury of her brother
A sharp turn left again - finding a place of her own
A slow, broad right - a wag of black and tan tail breaking her heart

To the middle. This is it
The place to leave whatever
She wants to discard and diminish
In her life

She pauses and thinks
About how many things need to be left here
There are so many too many
She is too unhappy
She is too unsatisfied
She is too indecisive
So she leaves nothing

She does not travel back the way she came
Instead, she jumps to the outer rim
In one giant leap
Being very careful
Not to drop the heavy weight
That is still on her shoulders

Maybe next year